Hi my name is Mike, and I’m an addict.
I slurp coffee the way an alcoholic swills bourbon. I began my habit shortly after the invention of dirt. I’ve never tried to stop drinking coffee, because I like a good cup of Joe in the same way I like a well-brewed Oregon porter.
And when it comes to a porter, I have my share, though mostly at home while sitting in front of a movie.
I’ve got some real nasty habits, too.
Sometimes while listening to a person I have bad thoughts, like wanting to poke them in the eye. Sometimes I want to slap them. To my credit, though, I never physically hurt people.
I ignore people who I think are stupid. I ignore a lot of people.
On the backroads, where I know cops don’t prowl, I try to attain warp speed in my Toyota Rav4. If I’m driving T~’s Del Sol on a backroad, I try to get airborne.
And there you have it: all the things which, if I ran for public office, the press would use to try and drop me to my knees. It is necessary to come clean publicly when you begin to post words of political dissent on social media, submit editorials which blatantly point fingers at people and institutions, and when you write letters and email to politicians. Everyone who holds an opposing view wants to dig in your dirt. If you toss the dirt into the hole first, you stand a better chance of not getting buried.
So here it is; my public confession. I’ve taken off my gloves, and I’m ready to rumble.